BEAUTIFUL DOUBT
“Religion is at its best when it makes us ask hard questions of ourselves. And it is at its worst when it deludes us into thinking we have all the answers for everyone else.” -Archibald MacLeish.
“I believe, help my unbelief.” -Mark 9:24
Progressive Christianity knows it takes faith to ask real, hard questions. Profound doubt requires faith that is deep enough to trust that God not only welcomes it but embraces it.
Doubt is the sandbox God’s children play in as we mature and remain ready to build and rebuild, learn and relearn. In this way we are like Jacob in Genesis blessed to wrestle with God. (Genesis 32:22-32)
We are not all on the same page in our faith and I personally hope we never will be. It is pseudo-Christian ‘group think’ evocative of cult thinking to demand allegiance to all items of faith or that deviations are the work of the devil. For much of evangelical Christianity there is an eleventh commandment, “Thou shalt not question.” In the process the Bible becomes the “Holier-Than-Thou-Handbook” for daily life boiling the Word of God down to the twelfth commandment, “Be like the rest of us.” Come to church. Be carbon copies and join the choir of conformity. (Obviously, I am having trouble here, restraining my well-honed skill in sarcasm because doubt is such an important part of faith. I’ll try to be more constructive now.)
I was raised in a family which quite unintentionally primed me for questions and doubt. This was not because my parents were free thinkers but because they demanded conformity. Thinking was permitted only within their very narrow box. I was supposed to think their way or not think. As I write this, I am aware of two things: first, they were good people who loved me from the core of their being. Second, they were evangelicals without the religion!!!!!
Mostly I complied with expectations as I grew into adolescence. I silently questioned their thinking and attitudes but was never outwardly confident enough to risk opposing them directly. Luckily, becoming involved in the church in high school was an acceptable form of rebellion. I was not about to accept a God, or a Bible I could not question. I then went to college majoring in philosophy and religion. It helped that this was the 1960s when everything was up for questioning even if “God is Dead.” Mostly the professors accepted our questions as signs of passion and a searching spirit. And later I attended Boston University School of Theology which was a hive of scholarship, rebellion, and protest.
I ended up leaving the church for many years. During that time, I wandered the spiritual landscape as did the Israelites for forty-years. Fortunately, this was not a desert. I found several wellsprings which nurtured my soul in important ways. I leaned deeply into Buddhism (and still do). I weaved and flowed with the Tao Te Ching and happily chanted with the Hindus. And then I returned to the church in the form of FBC. Here, in this church, I can love my questions, doubts, and curiosities. Progressive Christianity embraces what it does not know about the Ultimate Mystery and knows that faith is never complete. That is part of the joy of faith; it is always being renewed.
We don’t have to cling to a belief just because we were taught that way decades ago.
Martin Luther is reported to have said “Whoever sins should sin boldly!” I would paraphrase that as “Whoever doubts should doubt BOLDLY!!!” We can live our doubts knowing that God welcomes them as simply a place in us that is not yet complete. The Divine travels the path with us, every step of the way even through the valley of the shadow of doubt which can become a mountain top of light and vision.
In my experience doubt has contributed two very important things to my life:
- More Faith in God: doubt has expanded my faith exponentially. I trust the essence of the Divine is embodied in the story of Jesus. I trust that the Divine is with me every step on the path. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t want to write or reflect as much as I do. I wish I could just focus on the mundane things of life, but God didn’t build me that way. I was built to question and doubt. It is one of the ways I have fun. And with each doubt my faith grows.
- More Faith in Myself: I trust my experience as I grow and mature. I trust that God speaks to me in this church and my entire life. I trust that my often-restless soul leads me to “still waters” that I sometimes wrestle with and sometimes flow with.
And I quite happily don’t know what to do with Moses parting the Red Sea, or Jonah and the whale, or Noah’s flood, or Jeus walking on the water, or heaven and hell or dozens of other things.
“I believe help my unbelief,” is a wonderful paradox of faith. We are then graced when we walk part of the Path with this beautiful companion not to be overcome but embraced. Doubt is a part of God’s Grace. There is no need to be forgiven for our doubt as we confidently explore all the nooks and crannies of our journey together.
