Reflections

“A Quiet Revolution” By Courtney Stevens

By January 10, 2025 3 Comments

Editors note: Today we are blessed with a very powerful personal statement of advocate which expresses a welcoming for all of God’s children in whatever form their families evolve.

A Quiet Revolution
By Courtney Stevens

“I long to hear that you have declared an independency — and by the way in the new Code of Laws which I suppose it will be necessary for you to make I desire you would Remember the Ladies, and be more generous and favourable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the Husbands….If perticuliar care and attention is not paid to the Laidies we are determined to foment a Rebelion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice, or Representation….Regard us then as Beings placed by providence under your protection and in immitation of the Supreem Being make use of that power only for our happiness.”
Abigail Adams, in a letter to her husband, John Adams March 31, 1776

Abigail’s faith in women over 250 years ago is both an empowering and yet frustrating reality that women, despite being fully capable of thriving in society, still have to constantly prove their abilities—often even to themselves. Women find themselves questioning their self-worth all the time and there’s enough evidence to suggest we can stop doing that to ourselves.

I am a single mother by choice, and I thank God for that. With the inequities I’ve observed in other family dynamics, where many women feel unsupported by their partners, I am grateful for my autonomy and power. As a single mother by choice, I am not constrained by the needs or expectations of a partner, allowing me to prioritize my own goals for myself and my family. Abigail’s words encourage women to reclaim their power, trust in their abilities, and remember that they do not need to rely on anyone else to prove their worth or capability. In other words, I am enough. We are enough.

Raising children alone is no easy feat, but it’s also a testament to the strength and capability of single moms. Other mothers have expressed amazement at my ability to parent alone. I’ve heard it said with both surprise and admiration, “I don’t know how you do it;” to which I often ask the same in return to my partnered friends. I consider myself lucky not to experience disappointment from unfulfilled expectations of support in raising my daughter or running the household. Single or not, most mothers manage much of the emotional and practical work of raising children and managing all aspects of life, often without recognition. As a single mom by choice, I’ve come to rely primarily on myself for the recognition I need. It helps that my love language is Words of Affirmation. It is only a benefit that I believe in myself and trust that I am doing my best and that best is enough. I choose to celebrate myself.

When Elinora was born, I remember my mother changing her first few diapers as I convalesce in the hospital bed next to her. When it was my turn, I remember being overwhelmed with the responsibility of having to care for an actual living being – she’s real and right in front of me, and I’m the one responsible for keeping her… (cue the valid and hormonal tears)… alive! This responsibility started with changing her diaper – that was so immensely important. But in reality, it was something small to accomplish. So, I decided in that moment, all these little things can be important and can be celebrated. So, at the end of every day, I would celebrate the small things I did, “I changed her diapers successfully today,” or “I made time for skin-to-skin contact,” or “I loved her today.” This is how I developed my mother’s mindset that I was capable, and I was a good mother. I was enough.

Being a single mother, you set an example of independence and self-reliance. If you’ve ever met Elinora, you have witnessed her strong sense of independence and self-sufficiency. She is learning valuable lessons about the importance of self-sufficiency, responsibility, and the strength to navigate challenges — lessons she will carry into adulthood.

Abigail Adams’ timeless call to “Remember the Ladies” is not just a message to the men of her era but a powerful reminder for women today to recognize and honor their own worth. Though we are often our own harshest critics, it is essential to celebrate victories — big and small. From overcoming a challenging day to taking bold leaps in life, every accomplishment matters and deserves acknowledgment. By celebrating ourselves, we not only affirm our own strength but also inspire others to recognize theirs.

Being a single mom by choice redefines traditional family norms and demonstrates that love, strength, and success can flourish in a nontraditional family structure. It’s a choice that empowers me to live life authentically while creating a nurturing and stable environment for my child. My determination to recognize the power I have over my own happiness and life fulfillment has been my quiet revolution.

3 Comments

  • jim Pease says:

    Thank you Courtney for this personal, powerful, and so important statement of your choices in life, of the importance to all women, and also important to all humans (men included). I really liked you comment of Abrigail Adams’ “Remember the Ladies” is not just a message to men, but a “powerful reminder to women today to recognize and honor their own worth.”
    As a teacher, as an active member of First Baptist Church, as an person in the community, you are an example with your leadership and example.
    Thank you for this contribution.

  • Gaham Campbell says:

    AGREED.
    Graham Campbell

  • Terra Machado says:

    Thank you for this beautiful piece, Courtney. As a partnered mother, I often fall victim to the perception of longstanding societal norms, biases, and outdated ideas of family structures. Let’s face it, the the deep rooted default is a mother and father and it’s pushed at us in so many different way that we can’t understand how a family unit can flourish in any other circumstance.
    But I am actively witnessing it! This wonderful smart, compassionate and strong young girl you’re raising- it’s a testament to not only your strength as a mother that we all (mothers, of course 😉) possess but your bold and beautiful rebellion to what a thriving family looks like.

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